good inertia

my mum tells me that it's often pointless and self destructive to give in to a girl, and that a girl will only respect me if i am assertive and if i don't care too much about her feelings. based purely on my track record, i would have to say that my mum has a strong case, because every single girl i had loved had loved me back intensely for maybe about 6 months to a year, and then taken me for granted for the rest of the relationship. and nothing seems to have worked out.

but i refuse to believe this. although for all three of my relationships i had been heartbroken, i had also been the one who ended all three relationships. because deep inside, i cannot allow myself to be with someone whose idea of love does not align with mine. to me, perfect love is to want, with all your heart, to give whatever you can of yourself to the other person, while knowing that you can take whatever you want from the other person as well, no questions asked. it is way beyond fun, or looks, or sex, or sports, or hobbies, or romance, or butterflies in tummies. because it's the only thing that can sustain us through the darkness that we often find ourselves in, just because we live in this world. and i don't think i want to settle.

so maybe i'll find that girl. maybe it'll be next year, maybe it'll be 20 years from now... or maybe i will end up giving all my love to old folks or little abandoned children... but i refuse to believe that i need to change myself in this respect in order to find someone whom i can love, and who will love me back with all her/their heart.