i'm back! ok i've just discovered that frog's legs are really fun to eat.  esp the really spicy ones, cos 1. the muscles are all round and bouncy 2. the my-lips-hurt-so-bad-i-wanna-tear-them-off feeling is just SO exciting. 

for 2 days in a row, i've been having almost zero sleep. as a result, my driving journeys are getting more and more hazardous, as can be testified by toingee.  today, on my way back from bukit timah, i woke up just before my car hit the curb.  ok i'm taking a really big and foolish risk here. if my mum sees this, that's it for me and the car man.  gotta stop typing because i'm also falling asleep now. 

I'm currently at a loss for words because there's things happening in my life right now that i hardly dare to talk about, or think about.  It's exhilarating and frightening all at once, and i've never felt so unprepared to deal with something like this before.  everytime i want to blog, i stare at the screen and edit out all my sentences before they even reach my fingers.... some things are just too hard to face, especially when there's so much at stake and when nothing's certain at all.
 
Hmm.... some things are best discussed in retrospect. :)

All The Things

ok great i took forever to figure out why terence said i'm not 21 anymore.

anyway here's a new song!

All the things

And I'm home
I close the door behind me
And I'm finally starting to breathe
I don't think I'll forget those words you said to me
I've lived my life like a big mistake
That was never mine to make
I never had to hold a thought
And let it fade

And all the things that I can't say
Are the things that you'll never know
And all the things that I can't do
My heart is dying to prove

And I'm down
I sink I dream I'm falling
I'm clinging to the edge
Of the road I'm trying to take
I need you to come through
And catch this torch
I'm holding on for you
A candle in the gloom
It's burning still
I'm burning still

You're scared
To go the distance
This journey's not for you
There's no rope and there's no anchor
Are we setting off too soon
But I'll wear my shoes
I will take my chances
There's so much to lose
In your world of choices

saw the sweetest pair of siblings on the mrt today.... this little boy (about 4?) is stroking his sister's neck and his mum slaps the poor kid's hand and tells him not to irritate his sister.  so the boy sits glumly on his seat, and his sister (about 2?) climbs over and pats him on his head.  mum then proceeds to scold the sister for hitting her brother's head, so she switches tactics and starts to sayang his head instead.  soon they're like standing on their seats and hugging each other, and mum's like, "sit-down-don't-talk-stop-playing."  at this juncture, half the carriage was paying rapt attention to the cutest pair of siblings in the whole world, and the other half was staring at the mum with a DUH!?*#^ look written all over their faces.
 
 

omg feels like an eternity since i last blogged. i just realized that there are lots of selfish pple in this world who read my blog but refuse to blog themselves (those bastards).... how can like that? makes me feel like the only idiot in this world with too much time on his hands. sigh.... it's getting harder and harder to convince myself that writing and recording songs is a worthwhile use of time. even harder to convince my parents.... but wth lah, how often does one get 3 months to do something he really enjoys doing? anyway....

my grandma just won lottery so treated me to lunch. YAY! i bet i can win lottery too if i wasn't lazy enuff to make the trip to singapore pools.... :P just like i could be a really good christian if i wasn't lazy enuff to go to church.

i was waiting for a bus opposite my house when i noticed a bunch of construction workers setting up this gate at a factory. (yes my house is beside a bloody industrial estate unlike all you rich kids living in bungalows) anyway so they happily set the gates on their hinges, and when they closed them, lo and behold, one side ended up higher than the other! well, what's the use of gates when the latch doesn't line up right? (then again, what's the use of gates when any 10-yr-old who kicked his ball over can just climb over and get it, but nvm we'll leave that for some other time) so, rather than return to his boss and risk getting his pay docked, the foreman decided to improvise a little with his human resource skills: he got 4 of his workers to balance themselves on one side of the gate, and bounce violently on it so that the gate would bend downwards and align itself. i didn't really dare to laugh cos the people beside me weren't looking and i was afraid of embarrassing myself, but anyway the story ends with the workers somehow managing to get the gate to its right angle, just before my bus arrived, 15 min late.

qn: so how many pple does it take to set up a gate?
ans: 4 workers, 1 supervisor, and the entire factory population trying really hard not to notice.

i think clubbing is a lot more fun when you only do it like once every few months. yesterday night was great man..... even though only 200 over pple turned up, the place was packed and i hardly had space to move about! thanks to vicki, i managed to get a taste of sex on the beach (the drink) and thanks to my vball frens, i realized that if you down a quarter of a jug of tequila coke at one go, you might actually start to like it. tianai tell your fren she dances really well! paiseh that i had to bangseh her halfway cos i went to find my sis :) i want photo!!!!! anyways, it's so nice to see many of my ex-schoolmates there.... pity i didn't really have the energy to chat pple up, but who cares! yay fun fun....

and good that my sister managed to scrape a little bit of profits, enuff for me to get some really nice 'oh lua' (fried oyster)(omg if those oysters can get any juicier, they'd be called oranges). does food remove the effects of alcohol? cos after i ate, i managed to get sober enuff to wipe that perpetual silly grin off my face and act like a decent 22-yr-old. or maybe it's just the 'oh lua'.

anyway, after our cab ride home, my sister commented that the taxi driver probably thot she was a prostitute. i was like, hmm.... double meaning siah.... so are you talking about your bimbo dress or are you talking about my face.....? i did think i looked passably decent....

moral of the story.... taxi drivers' lives can be really interesting.

i.e. watching the world go by in your rear view mirror.

pool is so much more fun than billiards.

somebody tell me how turtles mate. today i went into the bathroom and saw my two terrapins in their nice little whatchamacallit..... bucket? container? whatever.... anyway, female terrapin is sitting on male terrapin's shell, and both of them are looking like the most blissful pair of chelonias in the world. usually they'll scamper around the moment i enter the bathroom either cos they think i'll feed them or they don't like my face, but TODAY things are different. female turtle isn't even looking at me. male turtle is looking at me but with that kind of lazy i-can't-really-be-bothered-with-you-anymore stare, so i kind of figured that maybe they had a happy little romp just before i came in. but upon (ok i'm not a pervert, i'm just scientifically curious) inspection, i realized that i have not a single clue how it is physically possible for turtles to mate. and why do female turtles end up on top?

help? and don't ask me why i have terrapins in my bathroom.

just wrote a blog about how my volleyball juniors are now becoming rather talented at volleyball. and when i published it everything got deleted. so yah.

what if one day ALL my entries disappear somehow? HOW HOW HOW?

avril lavigne. five for fighting. third eye blind.

i have the biggest crush on avril right now.

spiderman was nice! at least he gets the girl he loves. though i can't help but feel that mary-jane's not exactly a good example for girls to follow. to all those guys out there who slog their lives out for the ones they love, well, be glad that there aren't that many superheroes around....plus what's so good about spiderman anyway? empty cartridge all the time.

i need a band. and a better voice. and music that works. anyone out there wants to sing for me?

ouch. it hurts.

in the light of what i'm feeling right now, i'd like to say sorry to my parents for ever saying that i hated them, or that i hated what they did. and to my sister too, for telling her so many times that she's ruining my life, that she's a complete ass etc etc... i'm glad that these three people in my life have an immense tolerance for verbal abuse. as much as i would like to deny this, i have to say that i've taken my family for granted. even now, i still take them for granted. i wouldn't say these things to my friends, cos i know that friends can leave. but i know my family would tolerate me, and therefore i take my liberties with their feelings.

to all those friends that i've taken for granted, i'm really sorry. i'm starting to realize that it's my best friends that i take for granted, because deep down it seems like they will never go away. i'll try to change ok?

all around me, people are having problems with relationships. why? why can't people just compromise, just be contented with what they have, just be free to love each other...? it's really sad to see people who are not in love forced to stay together, and people who are in love forced to break apart. where's cupid when we all need him? or aphrodite? or whoever's in that particular department who's obviously not doing his/her job....?

on a lighter note, i celebrated julie's bday today with my (hopefully going to be) lifelong frens yilin, weiquan and val. once again, another late night romp around the whole of singapore, plenty of schemes, stealth and sweat.... i love nights like these. yilin, i promise i won't put sparklers or any other bright objects in front of my face again. for the record, i reached home at 3am, my dad was in the living room, and I'M STILL ALIVE. that's all that matters: i'm still alive. but you know what, after a while it's kind of boring to keep driving the same route.... next time val goes home first, and yilin will be last. okee? :)

quote of the day: WHO NEEDS LOVE WHEN YOU HAVE FRIENDS???!?!?!!? (makes absolutely no sense, but will suffice for now :P)

Changed

Songs are so easy to write if you just don't try too hard. :) (courtesy of vicki -- with slight paraphrasing)

Changed

Can you see the other side of me
I've changed
I spent far too long inside a dream staying the same
It's so strange
To feel like someone else
To feel good
But I'm sinking all the way

Can you remember what it was
I used to be
Can you remember what it was
You saw in me
You said you love the way I am
If I could only try to change
Why didn't I find a way to say
That you're the one who couldn't understand

And if you feel you haven't left a thing
Behind
Well you're wrong now you're gone
And you can't say I didn't try
Do you know I've lost much
More than you
Can I find myself
Now you've taken me apart

Can you remember what it was
I used to be
Can you remember what it was
You saw in me
You said you love the way I am
If I could only try to change
Why didn't I find a way to say
That you're the one who couldn't understand

But if things were different do you think
That you'd be leaving anyway