do i at least get to go to purgatory?

i'm having blog paralysis now. all i want to do is to write about my life and for the first time in my blog's history someone has decided to judge me openly here for everyone else to see. it's like suddenly, this blog isn't mine anymore. and for a few days i've sat in front of my computer not knowing what to write, not knowing if people are going to read my blog and go tsk tsk this kenneth is hopeless...

sigh... kinda ironic how last time i didn't have to worry about my blog cos i knew who wouldn't read it... but now i suddenly have to be careful and sensitive and everything. i actually don't mind if you judge me, if you are angry or upset or understanding about me, because this is something that's between us. you've hurt me, and i've hurt you. you've also loved me, and i've also loved you. but there are people who feel like they have to say something, either on behalf of you or on behalf of their own principles, and suddenly it's not just about us anymore. sometimes i really wanna go "come on! it's my life!" but then again i do know that that's just silly. we never really get to live our own lives, do we? our identities are developed relative to others -- i'm smarter that these people, funnier than them, i'm less socially awkward than him, not as irrational as those girls, more christian than them, less environmentally conscious than those people, etc etc... i'm sure many people look at me and go "yep, i'm better than him, i won't do things like he did. if i were in his shoes, i would have...."

so yeah. i guess when you have a blog, you set yourself up to be judged. people who break up are always bad, no matter what happened when they were in the relationship. people who are broken up with are always victims. what about people who have broken up with someone, and who've also been dumped? i don't know. but maybe that's ok cos God knows our hearts anyway. and in the end, that's what matters right?

sigh... am i a horrible person?