dazed

Dont it always seem to go
That you dont know what you've got till its gone

-- Joni Mitchell, Big Yellow Taxi

i think it applies to both of us. now that we're no longer together, i realize more and more that you're someone i really care about, and i really wish i can always be a part of your life -- someone with whom you can share your joys and sorrows and everything. i don't know, maybe we got together too fast, maybe it's the long distance thing, but it always seemed like almost from the moment we became a couple, something wasn't quite right. but right now, now that we no longer have to judge each other or expect anything from each other, i feel like we can share our lives with each other in a way that we never really could.

i'm so glad that you have so many good friends around (some of them you probably never really appreciated until now?) to comfort you and protect you. i guess i don't deserve any "life support" right now since i'm the bad guy, but i honestly feel very very sad too. a huge huge part of my life is gone and even though i feel i had to do this, my heart hurts so bad each time i think of you or play with my ring (which i still can't take off).

please don't wait for me. who knows what's going to happen in the future, but let's just take opportunity to see what life has in store for us ok? i promise that as long as you want it, i'll stick around with you as a good friend, and who knows, maybe that's what we were always meant to be?