the resolve only lasts about, i dunno, 5 days? then everything breaks down and my mind is reduced to that of a whimpering drug addict, helpless in his craving. yes, i would say it's an addiction, to put it as cruelly to myself as possible. sometimes there's a very real need to destroy what's left of that little sliver of hope, when that hope eats into you like a silent, apologetic, teardrop-eyed killer. but addictions can go either way. they can kill you, or be overcome, thereby making you stronger and more resilient.

all i need is a halfway house, plenty of chains and ropes, and some water. and some patience, till the resolve kicks in again.