Hunger and Stacks of Cash

the whole time at church today, i was thinking about just how hungry i was. maybe it was the exercise from paintball, but i was so extremely hungry today! ate bread for breakfast, had a bagel at church, and apple juice and orange juice some more. but still hungry! so anyway i don't think i got that much out of the sermon, cos my mind was honestly somewhere else.

but then, come to think of it, my mind is always somewhere else... all this just makes me realize how little i think about God, not to say trust in Him in whatever i do. maybe that's why i find myself in inextricable troubles all the time, maybe that's why happiness seems to elude me.

maybe that's why i feel hungry in church.

there's a pile of money on my table. it's paintball money, and i'm supposed to return it to meng aun in a few days time. one whole stack man. i was doing this sunday school thing for charlotte the other day (about idolatry), and i found this picture of dollar notes on the web as well. dollar notes have this curious ability to ignite the endorphins in many people's brains, sending them flying in crazy directions. even the smell can make people weak in the knees. but you know how like, when you stare at a word for a long time, say um... "LIBRARY", you start to lose track of its pronunciation and it starts to look really weird to you? well, so i was staring at this stack of greenbacks, and suddenly it starts to look really strange. like, how can little pieces of paper be worth so much? it almost feels like someone is playing a colossal joke on all of us, looking at people plotting, hating, killing each other over these little pieces of paper. seems almost surreal.