i really shouldn't have made everything seem so easy... i feel now what you surely used to feel a year ago... neglected, half forgotten... the only difference is that a year ago, i gave myself no excuses. i was always sorry, wasn't i? bad time management, skewed priorities, etc. now the tables are turned but only partially. you have all these justifications, you're stressed, you're not superman unlike me, so why can't i be more understanding?
you're right you know, i shouldn't have attached any significance to this anniversary. 2 years... i felt so bad and so nervous for one whole week you know, trying to figure out a way to let you know that this is important to me, that you are important to me. and you do know now don't you? i love you so much and do you know why? cos my heart doesn't break for anyone else.
i just wanted to make you smile. but only after i managed that feat did i realize that i need so much to smile myself, to fill that hollow inside me.
it used to be that anniversaries meant so much more to you than it did to me -- i could never really wrap my hands around that concept. but why do i attach so much significance to it now?
the selfish me wishes you never came to australia, that you never started on this journey. the other selfish me wishes you'd just forget about me and leave me behind, so that i can catch my breath and recover.
i'm writing this here only because i'm pretty sure you'll never read it.
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interestingly enough, my 2nd anniv was just a few days b4 urs. and he was away too... tt made it v diff for me, cos i was so looking forward to tt day, but cos he wasn't arnd it sucked even more... maybe we shdn't look at annivs as milestones, but be happy every single day knowing tt someone cares.
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