a year on the mountain

i meet you at the top of the slope. it's my first time skiing down this mountain, and your first time too. we are all a little nervous.

"i'll go first. follow me and you'll be safe yah?"

i can't see what's in front of me, but you seem reassured by my brave words and suddenly the slope doesn't matter anymore.

we make our way slowly down the mountain. i learn fast, and when you fall, i climb back up to pull you to your feet. you are tired, but happy. once or twice you lean upon my chest to catch your breath, and butterflies flutter in my stomach.

we're halfway down. we stop, and you sit down on the soft snow, pulling me down with you. the stars are really beautiful tonight. you seem to want to say something, but the words never make it past your lips, so i lean over and give you a kiss. you smile, and i'm happy.

we get used to the slope after awhile, and i ski a little faster, a little more dangerously. the chill excites me and quickens my descent. we make fewer stops. i don't know if you still fall, but i guess you can manage it. i pass many forks in the trail, but i take the wider paths because i know you'd take them too.

all too soon i reach the end of the slope. i look back but i can't see you. my heartbeat starts to quicken, and i shout your name.

the mountain echoes back at me.

i stand at the bottom of the slope, not knowing where to go or what to do. could you be stuck somewhere, waiting for my help as skiers fly past you? could you have taken a wrong path and ended up somewhere else? maybe i took a wrong path.... maybe we both did. could you have left the mountain without me?

the last bus has left. the lights lining the mountain slope go off, leaving in their absence ghostly shimmers of ionised gas. it starts to snow. the cold wind seeps into my jacket as i remove my skis and place them upon my shoulders. step by step i trudge back up the mountain, hoping to find you.

the world is silent. the stars shine ever so beautifully, bringing recent memories to my mind. i smile, but worry takes over. my feet hurt. i squint my eyes, hoping to catch a glimpse of your pink jacket. nothing. the snow bites into my flesh as i start to think wild thoughts.

maybe the search dogs would find me tomorrow, a lone figure motionless in the vast white landscape.

maybe i'll never see you again.

maybe you left and forgot about me.

or maybe i'll wake up on my desk, and find out that it was all a dream.


it is snowing heavily now.