i've been listening to the same set of songs on my mp3 player, since like november last year. many times i've thought about changing the songs to the newer ones i downloaded to my computer, but somehow or other this step is never taken. i don't really know why, and i don't really know if i'm trying to make a point with this, but well, it could be because i'm too lazy to go through all the deleting and copying, or it could be because i've grown so used to these 30 songs and this particular sequence that having to change it seems almost blasphemous.... almost like converting to another religion.

or it could be because this set of songs represent almost everything that i am at this particular moment in my life. one song: life for rent by dido...

I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
As there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent…


... i can't say i fully comprehend the song's intended meaning, but i just feel that despite living for 21 years, i've yet to make my life mine. i've yet to take charge of this soul and say "this is where i want to go", "this is what i want to be". but as much as i feel this song is a parallel to my present condition, there's something deep within me that is telling me, "it's time you change your songs. it's time you live by a whole new melody."

i've seen a whole slew of melancholic blogs... from my sis, lydia, vicki, chuan, just to name a few. i am also guilty of posting a long series of depressing entries. maybe it's really time for us all to take a look at our lives and wonder why we are so unhappy, why we feel victimised, why we are unsatisfied with what we have.

who knows, maybe obtaining happiness is as easy as plugging in an mp3 player, deleting the 30 old songs, and uploading 30 new ones.