grime

things that seem crystal clear at first always have a habit of turning murky with time. like fish tanks, like mirrors, like spectacles, like all those thoughts in our little brains.

qn is, do we change the water, or wipe the glass, or could it be that clarity isn't all it's made out to be anyway?

no insurance needed. happiness guaranteed.

life must have owed me a lot in the past few months, cos recently it's been throwing heaps of good stuff at me. for no particular reason it seems other than to make me happy. and i'm slowly learning to ignore the naggy little voice inside that says it's all gonna come crashing down on me in no time.

cos it's wrong.


spent an hour listening to an insurance agent, only to hear my ex-insurance agent mum telling me later that it's all bullshit. i love my mum.

it all starts so innocently

so yesterday i happily started to record a song with my fresh-off-the-shelf guitar, mike, amp and other assorted cool accessories, and all that came out of my computer was the kind of music you'd expect to hear if you put your head into a blender and turned it up to high.

turns out i need this lil gadget called a digital interface (or audio interface). it's basically this box that you plug every damn thing into and then you plug it into your laptop and it makes the world a better place. very clever lil thing.

so tomorrow i'm off to bras besar to get this lil shit from swee lee music and then i'll go home happily and find out that i need something else.

hi5 to me!

my purchases the past 2 days:

1. takamine semi-acoustic
2. sienna kustom amplifier
3. 2 cables
4. shure microphone
5. mike stand
6. padded guitar bag
7. guitar strap

i am deep in the doldrums of poverty right now, but i'm absolutely joyful. because of the above, and because of some other things that s would know about :)

sometimes little things in life become a lot less little if you open your eyes and ears wide enough, and soak it all in.

spongenuf!

happy birthday. i hope life treats you better than you can ever hope for it to. :)

what am i to you
what are you to him
who are we to say we know the meaning of a dream?

transit

the train cuts relentlessly through the night, its headlights banishing away the darkness with the harsh glare of day -- of clarity, of truth, of unstoppable will. it is in a hurry to get there. inside, all is silent, and still. he looks out of the window, and sees nothing but his own face staring bleary-eyed back at him. he shudders. looking past his mirrored self he sees several other passengers, but they, like him, are alone -- suspended in their own space, their own thoughts.

purgatory must feel something like this. all of us coming from the same place, and going to the same place. all of us coming from totally different places, and going to totally different places.

she sang last night. no words, just that haunting melody while she gazed up past his face, almost as though he wasn't there. she had a beautiful voice.

when we land -- original song

skylark

she wakes up and finds herself alone, with the vague, but still warm imprint of a human body beside her. he didn't say goodbye...or maybe he did. does it matter? she stares up at the ceiling and pulls her blanket a little higher, trying to remember the feeling. but it is a different kind of warm.

an hour on the train, enough time for him to come up with a fresh excuse, or maybe he'll use the same one he did yesterday, and the day before. and the day before. she lets her mind drift, carelessly, and wonders where home is for him, but then stops herself. no point thinking about things that don't take you anywhere but down. right?

in her head the thoughts swirl and coalesce into a song, because that is what she does.

when we land

will you catch me if you can
if i tell you where i'll land
and maybe you'll find me
or maybe i've already left

will you hang on to the phone
while i take the last train home
is it too much to ask of you
or should i be travelling alone

can you see me if i wave
while i'm sinking, would you save
me or tell me you're sorry
but there's nothing left to make you stay

will you take me for a ride
when there's nothing left to hide
across mountains we'll be speeding
or are we still seeking inside

will you teach me how to run
so i can beat you to the sun
when it's finally rising
so you can't leave me here when it's dawn

will you take me as i am
will you break me or will you bend (all the same)
in two worlds we're spinning
the closer we're falling
the harder it gets
to stop us colliding

and when it's done
will we learn
will it hurt
if we crash and burn

and it's gonna stop raining
if we don't keep on dancing

will you catch me if you can
if i tell you where i'll land
and maybe you'll find me
or maybe someone else will.

basket!

balls! i'm so unfit! after a rather mild game i was totally ready to collapse, and would have if not for the timely infusion of yellow 100plus into my battered body. and i think there's something very fundamentally wrong with my aiming, unless it's the wind. maybe. maybe it's the wind.

fortune teller 2

if i were a beggar
i could go down on my knees
without you thinking that
i've fallen for you
and i'm praying for
just a moment or two

and if i were a dancer
i'll trace your name with my toes
across the stage in every theater
so you'll never miss a show

and if i were a soldier
i'd be at the front of the line
so i can come home with a purple heart
and just be closer to you

and if i could
i wouldn't be another
silly boy you don't remember
and if i could
i would make the world a better place
so it can never take the smile from your face

if i were a postman
i'd put a smile on every letter
but i'll stick a stamp right over
so you won't know any better

if i were a seamstress
i would sew my little heart
into the corner of your pocket
so we'll never be apart

and if i had a boat
i'd sail to the end of the world
and return with a pot of gold
and hide it in your purse so
you'd see a rainbow
every where you go

and if i were a fortune teller
and my crystal ball could give me answers
it'll know that i would never ever fall
in love with any girl but you

and if i could
i wouldn't be another
silly boy you don't remember
and if i could
i would make the world a better place
so it can never take the smile from your face

dear diary

bought a sketchbook today -- and for a very brief moment remembered that i was once an architect (sort of).

well, tomorrow i'll be choosing for myself a new guitar, and hopefully jumping onto a brand new bandwagon!

which reminds me, i actually really like to go out with my sis -- too bad it doesn't happen much these days... :( oh well, guitar-shopping is a start!

oh and something i realized about myself recently -- i don't want a rich gf/wife, i don't want to be rich, i don't really want kids and i don't really want to be successful the way i've always envisioned success to be. how? no one's gonna want me.

i also really need to cut my left fingernails. and listen to my newfound chinese song collection.

the pianist and i

some days i let my mind
run into yours
we say hello but do not speak
otherwise
we drown
out the noise --
white
with the occasional black
key that hammers
a little too loudly
on its hidden string
wound tight around thoughts
that think too loudly
but do not know
any better
judgment abstains in protest
while we
kiss
in the company of
tired hands
and wind-blown caution.

post mj

to self, from self's house:

1. yay.
2. love the fishies!
3. love the guitar!
4. damn freaking shack.

pre mj

to self, from winson's house:

please win.

it takes two heads to make it rhyme

if i were a seamstress
i would sew my little heart
into the corner of your pocket
so we'll never be apart...

my day has been irreversibly made better. thank you!

and if i were a dancer
i'll trace your name with my toes
across the stage in every theater
so you'll never miss a show...

sometimes words really are the safest places to hide. because they can be a shield, and a sword, all at once.

la la la

first time i ran in ages! feels good to shed those imaginary pounds (imaginary because of the hokkien mee lunch and the fried beef kway teow dinner).

just bought another terry pratchett book. i love this guy. i so wish to have a chance to live in that ridiculous, psychotic, dirty, hilarious flat world that rides on the back of a space turtle and zips through the universe paying no heed to the Laws of anything.

i love his books so much that i read them at a horrifyingly sluggish pace, in the vain hope that they don't end too soon. but like all of my rships so far, they inevitably do, and all i can hope for is that, well, he never ever dies.

also just saw a video of my little sis when she was, i dunno, 6? SO CUTE!!!!!! why are we all not cute anymore?????

word.

i do feel a little regretful that it took this long, but finally it seems as though i'm getting somewhere :)

life has a habit of dealing me wonderful cards when my pockets are almost empty, and it makes me almost glad for what happened, which now seems so very long ago.

absolutely speechless

hands down, the most wtf vid of the year. i have no words to describe it (if you watch it, you HAVE to watch it all the way to the end. and after you do, send it to everyone you know and don't tell anyone what it's about. trust me it's worth it).

Uploaded by admirror

sun in my eyes (original song)

here's to leaving a little bit of sunshine behind, no matter where we go.

Portugal 09

didn't make you wait too long did i? anyhow, allow me to present the photojournal of my wonderful trip to portugal (in reverse chronology). enjoy!