for me, art has always been that shimmering screen of water that overflows from a barrel filled past its brim. it's an expression of what is already there, it's an extension of everything i experience in my life. art is never something that i can just sit down and create. i guess the word "draw" says it all -- siphoning off a portion of my life and emptying it onto a clean sheet of white paper. thus my art in junior college was a frenzy of creativity, of soft flighty drawings alongside raw, stark poetry. i was restless and passionate, confronted everyday by social intricacies, surrounded by more restless and passionate kids trying desperately to grow up.

when i was with kay, my drawings would take weeks to painstakingly emerge, and my poems all turned into songs. i felt older, and thought little of my enthusiastic and confused explorations before. everything i created looked beautiful to me. going through my break up, the songs i wrote comforted me. i was surprised that i could still write, even though my drawings were starting to fade away.

now i'm sitting here, and wondering why i don't draw anymore. why no more songs come to me. why my words don't rhyme. and why that barrel seems a whole lot lighter.