wrote better or worse with someone constantly floating in my mind -- makes it a lot easier!
weiquan, can't wait for our fighting photos to come out on facebook! (all thanks to yilin, who snapped at exactly the right time and saved us lots of anguish and potential embarrassment)
val, hope you had a wonderful belated bday and julie, WE are why singapore is such an awesome place! come back!
oh if anyone knows a good guitar teacher, please recommend ok?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
better or worse
i'm a tree in the forest
and you are far across the ocean
if i fall, would i make a sound
if you're not there to listen
i am free as a bird
with no cares or woes to mention
but i need a destination
so i'm flying down to where you are cos
we both know it doesn't matter
if it's for the worse, or for the better
it's quite enough to have to hold
so hold my hand and take me home
i'm a word, i'm a sentence
i'm a page, i'm a chapter
but i'll never become a story
till you open your eyes and read me
i'm a bee, you're a flower
i'm a seed, you are the farmer
i am mud, you are a potter
so pick me up and make me whole cos
we both know it doesn't matter
if it's for the worse, or for the better
it's quite enough to have to hold
so hold my hand and take me home
and we won't second guess the future
cos we have fate between our fingers
so don't look back no more
i'm sure we have the answer
and you are far across the ocean
if i fall, would i make a sound
if you're not there to listen
i am free as a bird
with no cares or woes to mention
but i need a destination
so i'm flying down to where you are cos
we both know it doesn't matter
if it's for the worse, or for the better
it's quite enough to have to hold
so hold my hand and take me home
i'm a word, i'm a sentence
i'm a page, i'm a chapter
but i'll never become a story
till you open your eyes and read me
i'm a bee, you're a flower
i'm a seed, you are the farmer
i am mud, you are a potter
so pick me up and make me whole cos
we both know it doesn't matter
if it's for the worse, or for the better
it's quite enough to have to hold
so hold my hand and take me home
and we won't second guess the future
cos we have fate between our fingers
so don't look back no more
i'm sure we have the answer
Thursday, March 26, 2009
way home
paid a racecar driver to take me home today. stepping out of the taxi, i saw a china guy walking towards the bus stop carrying a bolster in his arm. his friend was carrying a pillow.
pinched myself, failed to wake up, and continued home.
pinched myself, failed to wake up, and continued home.
16 days ago. i remember, do you?
"don't read so much into this but..."
it's funny how we say this to each other more and more these days. i doubt anything's going to (or should) happen really, but i'd be lying if i say i'm not thinking about it. i know that time heals all wounds and perhaps we're only remembering the good stuff, but honestly, before all that mess we fell into, it wasn't too bad was it? (the mess was bad though...life threatening!)
that night (too long ago), when i walked you home, we were talking and talking but all i could think of really was, "what would i give to just hold your hand one more time..." and what would have happened if i did? well, in the end nothing came out of it -- i said bye and took a taxi home, happy that i had even the chance to think that thought.
today was a particularly bad day, but it was tempered by the residual happiness from last night (and of course also tempered by yun who brightens anyone's day) and that more or less dragged me through the doldrums of work until i could finally blog again.
i hope you passed by the river today, cos some little pieces of my heart are still scattered there on the bridge. maybe you'd find them.
of course, don't think too much about it. i won't either. :)
it's funny how we say this to each other more and more these days. i doubt anything's going to (or should) happen really, but i'd be lying if i say i'm not thinking about it. i know that time heals all wounds and perhaps we're only remembering the good stuff, but honestly, before all that mess we fell into, it wasn't too bad was it? (the mess was bad though...life threatening!)
that night (too long ago), when i walked you home, we were talking and talking but all i could think of really was, "what would i give to just hold your hand one more time..." and what would have happened if i did? well, in the end nothing came out of it -- i said bye and took a taxi home, happy that i had even the chance to think that thought.
today was a particularly bad day, but it was tempered by the residual happiness from last night (and of course also tempered by yun who brightens anyone's day) and that more or less dragged me through the doldrums of work until i could finally blog again.
i hope you passed by the river today, cos some little pieces of my heart are still scattered there on the bridge. maybe you'd find them.
of course, don't think too much about it. i won't either. :)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
love song for ourselves
so we learn to breathe cos it's hard to see
the world from beneath our mother's skin
and we learned to cry when we waved goodbye
and opened up our eyes to live, to die
and we learn to dance so when we're on the ground
it doesn't have to look like we have fallen down
and we learn to dream cos that's the only way
to make the world seem better than it seems today
and we've grown so beautiful
we've grown so beautiful
we've grown so beautiful
and we learn to lie cos the truth takes sides
and words are the safest places to hide
and we learn to leap before we start looking
cos life's too deep and getting deeper by the second
but i think we'll be ok cos it's a lovely lovely day
cos we've learned to live between the lines that they have written
even though we hardly rhyme but we're poetry in motion
and we learn to love love love is what we're made of
all this time that we are given is our chance to make a difference
do i make a difference to you?
and we've grown so beautiful
we've grown so beautiful
we've grown so beautiful
the world from beneath our mother's skin
and we learned to cry when we waved goodbye
and opened up our eyes to live, to die
and we learn to dance so when we're on the ground
it doesn't have to look like we have fallen down
and we learn to dream cos that's the only way
to make the world seem better than it seems today
and we've grown so beautiful
we've grown so beautiful
we've grown so beautiful
and we learn to lie cos the truth takes sides
and words are the safest places to hide
and we learn to leap before we start looking
cos life's too deep and getting deeper by the second
but i think we'll be ok cos it's a lovely lovely day
cos we've learned to live between the lines that they have written
even though we hardly rhyme but we're poetry in motion
and we learn to love love love is what we're made of
all this time that we are given is our chance to make a difference
do i make a difference to you?
and we've grown so beautiful
we've grown so beautiful
we've grown so beautiful
Saturday, March 21, 2009
fortune teller
dreamt of her yesterday. i was sitting with someone else, and she came and sat down, showed me something, and put her hand on mine. and i was happy, and contented. sometimes in dreams, certain things are forgotten, and certain things are possible.
Friday, March 20, 2009
recording this song over and over again for almost 30 times has definitely diluted its emotional baggage, and allowed me to treat it as just another one of my songs instead of something that constantly reminds me of how happy and how silly i was back then.
i was so unsatisfied with the first post of this song that i had to go home and re-sing it! much better now!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
yesterday, still high from my first "published" song, i decided to do a second recording, this time for my Starbucks Song. didn't work out. voice too loud, music too soft. i have decided that a personal studio is in order, complete with a mike for my face and a mike for my guitar. currently i'm practically flattening my head on my guitar just to get both the instrumental and vocals in! very pathetic.
and i need voice lessons, and guitar lessons. suddenly my life has meaning! anyone wants to form a band with me? preferably proficient in tambourines, triangles and beatboxing.
and i need voice lessons, and guitar lessons. suddenly my life has meaning! anyone wants to form a band with me? preferably proficient in tambourines, triangles and beatboxing.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
i scream in hawaii
i wish i didn't try so hard to forget. but then again i think i had to, for the sake of my sanity and my ability to continue functioning as a productive human being.
years later, i would see the words "elope", "ice-cream" and "hawaii" in the same sentence once again, and suddenly have a strange feeling come over me, enough to make me pretty certain that you were referring to me. honestly, i can't for the life of me remember anything about this conversation, apart from that same warm feeling i've come to associate with all those other memories with you.
...part of me still wishes that i can still make good on that promise so long ago.
years later, i would see the words "elope", "ice-cream" and "hawaii" in the same sentence once again, and suddenly have a strange feeling come over me, enough to make me pretty certain that you were referring to me. honestly, i can't for the life of me remember anything about this conversation, apart from that same warm feeling i've come to associate with all those other memories with you.
...part of me still wishes that i can still make good on that promise so long ago.
Monday, March 16, 2009
never be too far from me
really glad i wrote this song for myself, and not for anyone else because fact is, people come and go and i am the only one in this world (in this world.) who can safely tell myself, "i will love you and care for you for as long as i/you live."
that's why it doesn't hurt anymore.
and to those of you who like the song, or even those of you who just don't mind it, damn that makes me happy.
if i knew how to dance, i would.
that's why it doesn't hurt anymore.
and to those of you who like the song, or even those of you who just don't mind it, damn that makes me happy.
if i knew how to dance, i would.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
went wakeboarding today! ok i am never going back to cable skiing man. no way.
so it was awesome, even though half the time i was wakeboarding in the rain. it was raining so bad that it actually felt painful. but anyhow, the instructor was nice and i learned new things today! and apparently i did a jump without knowing it, cos, well, err...i didn't know i did it.
now i can cross in and out of the wake pretty fast and next time i'm totally going to do real jumps! except i must get my pay first. absolutely broke.
so it was awesome, even though half the time i was wakeboarding in the rain. it was raining so bad that it actually felt painful. but anyhow, the instructor was nice and i learned new things today! and apparently i did a jump without knowing it, cos, well, err...i didn't know i did it.
now i can cross in and out of the wake pretty fast and next time i'm totally going to do real jumps! except i must get my pay first. absolutely broke.
so today, damn moody. and for what reason i don't know! of course, squash never fails to lift my spirits, though i'd have been happier had CIRCUMSTANCES not drastically shortened my squash time.
so i've been moody before, certainly, but not for years have i been wanting to snap at anything that moves. of course, being the annoyingly mild person that i am, nothing came out of it (thankfully) and i managed to suck it up all the way till squash, whereupon i channeled all my emotions onto a poor little black ball.
so i've been moody before, certainly, but not for years have i been wanting to snap at anything that moves. of course, being the annoyingly mild person that i am, nothing came out of it (thankfully) and i managed to suck it up all the way till squash, whereupon i channeled all my emotions onto a poor little black ball.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
happy?
1. i think it's quite alright to be happy like this. no expectations, no idle hopes, just a pretty satisfying sense of contentment with the way things are.
2. faye you very soggy piece of blanket. i was so looking forward!
3. wenjie you too. even though it's primarily faye's fault. now we have to wait till next week AGAIN...
4. trading switzerland for portugal/morocco. it's a deal! now all i have to do is to break the news gently to Pisit.
5. after so much talk, i still haven't played tennis! somebody play with me!
2. faye you very soggy piece of blanket. i was so looking forward!
3. wenjie you too. even though it's primarily faye's fault. now we have to wait till next week AGAIN...
4. trading switzerland for portugal/morocco. it's a deal! now all i have to do is to break the news gently to Pisit.
5. after so much talk, i still haven't played tennis! somebody play with me!
Monday, March 09, 2009
if you let me....
ever since a year ago, my songs have been decidedly more happy. i don't know if it's because of the singers i listen to, or my outlook on life, or circumstances, but that's how it is.
so for my first post-break-up song, i thought i'd write some happy words, with a happy tune, to remind myself of every single friend who was that person to me.
and then slowly i realized that maybe i was writing about myself too...?
you know how there are always one or two people in our lives who always seem to be there when we are in trouble, or when there's a big temporary void in our lives that need to be filled. and because they are there, we let them fill the void... all the way until we find what we were looking for again. then we let them go, till the next void comes along.
and sometimes we find ourselves being that person. which is ok.
ever since a year ago, my songs have been decidedly more happy. i don't know if it's because of the singers i listen to, or my outlook on life, or circumstances, but that's how it is.
so for my first post-break-up song, i thought i'd write some happy words, with a happy tune, to remind myself of every single friend who was that person to me.
and then slowly i realized that maybe i was writing about myself too...?
you know how there are always one or two people in our lives who always seem to be there when we are in trouble, or when there's a big temporary void in our lives that need to be filled. and because they are there, we let them fill the void... all the way until we find what we were looking for again. then we let them go, till the next void comes along.
and sometimes we find ourselves being that person. which is ok.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
sporty afternoon
1. poor faith... so sad to see her cry.
2. ppcc has the cutest kids ever!
3. auntie phyllis rawks. i am impressed. in fact all the aunties also.
4. i realized i don't know how to spell a lot of your names. esp the kids.
5. why yashi's dad never come today??? sad!
2. ppcc has the cutest kids ever!
3. auntie phyllis rawks. i am impressed. in fact all the aunties also.
4. i realized i don't know how to spell a lot of your names. esp the kids.
5. why yashi's dad never come today??? sad!
Saturday, March 07, 2009
it really makes me ache sometimes when i realize how much love she can give to someone else barely a month after.
these days, when i remember those times we had together, it takes a lot to convince myself that there was something special between us, once. more often than not, i end up suspecting that there was really nothing much there at all.
and perhaps it's better that way.
these days, when i remember those times we had together, it takes a lot to convince myself that there was something special between us, once. more often than not, i end up suspecting that there was really nothing much there at all.
and perhaps it's better that way.
Låt den rätte komma in
haha...hope you enjoyed it as much as i did! sorry about marley and me but i would watch adolescent foreign vampy puppy love story anytime man. really really loved the film. so raw, so much subtle emotion, coming from actors barely over 10 years old. the girl was especially amazing. i could really imagine her being 12 years old, yet 12 years old for a long long time.
what struck me most about the film though was actually the old guy who was eli's guardian, who exuded so much stoical and self sacrificial love for eli that i am convinced he's another previous Oskar, all grown up. so sad, and so sweet, how he gives his life to her as his last act of love, knowing that he had rendered himself useless otherwise.
oh and the 2.5 hour wait for the movie.... wow. just when i thought you couldn't possibly accomplish another one of your feats. you surprise me all the time.
i loved the title. let the right one in. totally.
Friday, March 06, 2009
if you let me
don't you cry baby
cos it's a brand new day
so please don't ruin it for everyone
by letting it rain
but if you find it too hard
to put a smile on your face
why don't you come on over
cos i'll be making your day
if you let me
i will make you glow
if you let me
these hands are for you to hold
if you let me
i won't let you go
and it don't matter where you are
i'll never ever be too far
please go easy on sorrow
there no time to lose
we've got so much to see tomorrow
let's just put on our shoes
and leave those memories behind
though he's got somebody new
but there's no reason to be down
cos i'll be hangin' with you
if you let me
i will make you glow
if you let me
these hands are for you to hold
if you let me
i won't let you go
and it don't matter where you are
i'll never ever be too far
and i will make your day
if you let me stay
i will help you take
those tears away
i'll accompany you
for two's company
and we will be ok
cos nothing's in our way
we'll stay this way
forever and a day
we'll be ok
and nothing's gonna change
we'll be
ok :)
cos it's a brand new day
so please don't ruin it for everyone
by letting it rain
but if you find it too hard
to put a smile on your face
why don't you come on over
cos i'll be making your day
if you let me
i will make you glow
if you let me
these hands are for you to hold
if you let me
i won't let you go
and it don't matter where you are
i'll never ever be too far
please go easy on sorrow
there no time to lose
we've got so much to see tomorrow
let's just put on our shoes
and leave those memories behind
though he's got somebody new
but there's no reason to be down
cos i'll be hangin' with you
if you let me
i will make you glow
if you let me
these hands are for you to hold
if you let me
i won't let you go
and it don't matter where you are
i'll never ever be too far
and i will make your day
if you let me stay
i will help you take
those tears away
i'll accompany you
for two's company
and we will be ok
cos nothing's in our way
we'll stay this way
forever and a day
we'll be ok
and nothing's gonna change
we'll be
ok :)
Thursday, March 05, 2009
talked to c again yesterday. it's a strange feeling, when after a long period of hostility/awkwardness/avoidance, two people decide that hey, it's possible to be friends again. reminds me of how i became friends with kay again... it's like, we know almost everything there is to know about each other -- our faults, our strengths, our quirks -- but there's no emotional baggage, no expectations, just simple friendship. at least that's how it is on the surface... i don't know how she feels about all this cos i'm still banned from her blog, but it does seem to me like everything's fine now. :)
and it makes me very happy because in my whole life, she's the person (besides my family) that i have shared the most with, and we've been through so many ups and downs that everything else seems rather tame in comparison.
oh well. don't know what i'm really trying to say but i guess life is wonderful like that -- you never know what to expect! things happen and sometimes all we can do is hang on and see where the current takes us.
and it makes me very happy because in my whole life, she's the person (besides my family) that i have shared the most with, and we've been through so many ups and downs that everything else seems rather tame in comparison.
oh well. don't know what i'm really trying to say but i guess life is wonderful like that -- you never know what to expect! things happen and sometimes all we can do is hang on and see where the current takes us.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
lyphe eace byuteaphul
wahhhh ham chim peng! delicious! cake! delicious!
so anyway faye you better come for badminton next week or i'm totally going to squeeze ahead of you into angela's good books! muahahaha. today was great. lots of people. discovered that arissa has shuttlophobia. or anymoderatelyfastmovingobjectophobia. how did you ever become a state tennis player??? you have my sympathies man. but still, well done!
spent half an hour waiting for a cab tonight after badminton. wait until my shirt dry.
talking about waiting...
can't wait for poker, can't wait for squash, can't wait for wakeboarding (the closest thing to snowboarding now i guess)! ok i'm sure i've blogged about this before but it seems like whenever i'm excited about something (anything at all), it always never happens. like snowboarding in switzerland, for example. or like living happily ever after with k/c/e.
but somehow, i can't stop myself from being excited about things. i mean, all the joy you get from the anticipation and the tingly feelings etc is real isn't it? no amount of subsequent disappointment should discount that fact. i think hope is a wonderful, magical thing, no matter if anything comes out of it!
anyone watched life is beautiful? it made me cry.
talking about movies, keppel should totally screen movies at night. welfare do your job!
so anyway faye you better come for badminton next week or i'm totally going to squeeze ahead of you into angela's good books! muahahaha. today was great. lots of people. discovered that arissa has shuttlophobia. or anymoderatelyfastmovingobjectophobia. how did you ever become a state tennis player??? you have my sympathies man. but still, well done!
spent half an hour waiting for a cab tonight after badminton. wait until my shirt dry.
talking about waiting...
can't wait for poker, can't wait for squash, can't wait for wakeboarding (the closest thing to snowboarding now i guess)! ok i'm sure i've blogged about this before but it seems like whenever i'm excited about something (anything at all), it always never happens. like snowboarding in switzerland, for example. or like living happily ever after with k/c/e.
but somehow, i can't stop myself from being excited about things. i mean, all the joy you get from the anticipation and the tingly feelings etc is real isn't it? no amount of subsequent disappointment should discount that fact. i think hope is a wonderful, magical thing, no matter if anything comes out of it!
anyone watched life is beautiful? it made me cry.
talking about movies, keppel should totally screen movies at night. welfare do your job!
supernuf
anyone watched heroes? children, please do not try this at home.
so. after a torturous badminton session, i trudged over to where winson was getting his pocari sweat from the vending machine. was rather taken aback when he exclaimed that the drink was hot, and proceeded to demonstrate its hotness by applying the can onto my arm.
it hurt. and being the ri gep that i am, i went on to get my lemon tea from exactly the same vending machine. bad idea! not that it didn't taste good (it was actually quite nice!), but because it tasted just like "great hot", which still holds for me rather too many difficult memories...
silly right? right. sometimes the mind dwells on these things just for kicks, when even the heart has had enough.
Monday, March 02, 2009
holidaying in singapore!
two happy vagrants
bliss.
cooking oil has rights too!bits and pieces from my non-trip to malacca. so fun! and i'm sure viya enjoyed the wonderful company :) we're so awesome right. oh, and look here for detailed updates on the rest of saturday afternoon!
ok that's all for now, stay tuned for exciting acrobatics in my next blog!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
saturday part 2
so the rest of the saturday consisted of:
1. minigolf (again, but with improved score)
2. supermarket sweep at parkway parade
3. 2nd picnic at barrage, which was much more photo-worthy this time
4. watching vicky christina barcelona at the screening room (no sound for the first 30 seconds. thought the film was trying to be artistic, then had my hopes dashed when they stopped the dvd and started over)
5. debating on the next program of the night -- (a) ktv (b) yangtze (c) thunder. chose (a) obviously.
6. singing myself hoarse, then drove everybody home, before staying over at shuyun's place cos it was near to church (this spilled over to sunday)
watching V.C.B. was quite interesting for me. to me, it was about being an artist; about how your innermost character doesn't change no matter what; about letting yourself love without protecting yourself; about beautiful transient dreams.
at night, while trying to download the weekend photos into shuyun's computer, i realized that my camera still contained all my taiwan photos. realized too that after all this time, i still cannot bear to look at the pictures. i don't want to remember taiwan, because amidst those beautiful memories are a little too many of those small painful ones that i had earlier chosen to ignore because i was in love, and i had thought she was too.
i want to remember this saturday though.
1. minigolf (again, but with improved score)
2. supermarket sweep at parkway parade
3. 2nd picnic at barrage, which was much more photo-worthy this time
4. watching vicky christina barcelona at the screening room (no sound for the first 30 seconds. thought the film was trying to be artistic, then had my hopes dashed when they stopped the dvd and started over)
5. debating on the next program of the night -- (a) ktv (b) yangtze (c) thunder. chose (a) obviously.
6. singing myself hoarse, then drove everybody home, before staying over at shuyun's place cos it was near to church (this spilled over to sunday)
watching V.C.B. was quite interesting for me. to me, it was about being an artist; about how your innermost character doesn't change no matter what; about letting yourself love without protecting yourself; about beautiful transient dreams.
at night, while trying to download the weekend photos into shuyun's computer, i realized that my camera still contained all my taiwan photos. realized too that after all this time, i still cannot bear to look at the pictures. i don't want to remember taiwan, because amidst those beautiful memories are a little too many of those small painful ones that i had earlier chosen to ignore because i was in love, and i had thought she was too.
i want to remember this saturday though.
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