lying

why do you keep trying to convince me that i'm good enough for you, when we both know that i'm not? if i was, why are you upset with me almost every day?

i feel like i'm getting really familiar with that dull pain in my heart nowadays.

just went for a really sweet engagement party. it just makes me melt everytime i see a couple constantly gazing into each other's eyes when they are talking to other people. for me, that's a great sign of love -- when what you say and do doesn't belong to you alone, but to both you and your partner.


i wish i could love you without having to hate myself.

Something They Missed

I wake up alone
There’s no one beside me
That’s what I need
The voice in my head says
You like it this way
And I agree
Cos it’s not like
I have anything else to see
Cos it’s not like
I have anywhere else to be

But there must be something I missed
Cos when you’re smiling at me
It’s like I’m finally breaking the surface
And I’m starting to breathe

There must be something I missed
Cos when your lips touch my skin
You tear this wall into pieces
And set me free

They tell me you’re dangerous
Don’t trust those angel wings
She’ll throw them away
Once you say you can’t pay
For those pretty things
Cos it’s not like
I have anything much to give
Cos it’s not like
There is anything more to me

But there must be something they missed
Cos when you reach out to me
I feel like the storm is clearing
And I’m starting to see

That there’s something they missed
Cos when you’re right here with me
I know that you’ll be staying
And I’ll never leave

pieces

coming back to singapore once again.

i realize that "home", and "belonging", are becoming increasingly abstract concepts. i can't find anything or anyone here that can just embrace the whole of my being, and allow me to rest knowing that i am accepted for who i am. there is no place for the entirety of my spirit to dwell...

instead i am portioned out, pieces of me distributed amongst interested parties, such that at the end of the day, wherever i end up, i am always that much less than what i'm supposed to be.

i don't even know what to say anymore. maybe i'm tired. maybe i'm very very tired.

i'm sad -- will someone share these tears with me?