the homeless girl

you want to get out of the sun
like a garden snail retreat into your shell
but all the doors are shut
and you're melting onto the sidewalk

their refuse is your cloak
your camouflage
no one sees you
as you slowly dissolve

you wish you could fly --
to hover at chest level
so they'd collide into you
and maybe notice

that staring back is a face
just like any other

frie rice

back in singapore, there used to be a time when i would look at the zi cha stall, licking my lips, and then finally deciding sullenly that I'll skip the fried rice this time and save up for another day.

now in nyc, i eat fried rice every day, because it's like the cheapest meal available this side of spanish harlem. everyday i go to the same chinese restaurant, and tell the girl there "chicken/shrimp/beef fried rice please", whereby she'll reply, "chickin/shrimp/beef frie rice?" and i'll say, "yes" and can you believe, it, the "frie rice" comes out in 2 minutes.

i really don't know how they do it, but it's freaking faster than macdonalds! doesn't say very much about the care they put into making these humble morsels, but they taste good! i mean, i've eaten "frie rice" every single day and i'm not sick of it yet. i've had a few bouts of diarrhoea though, which i try my best to attribute to other things like the weather. come on it's 3 dollars! i mean 2.95. i can't give it up man, it's like a drug. sweet, mind-numbing drug. with lots and lots of oil.

oh gawd i wish i was rich.

living alone

not easy.

everyday i yearn for the comforting voices of familiar friends, for smiles and idle chatter. all i hear is the incessant drone of my air filter, now resigned to recycle the cigarette smoke stench in the room, despite its initial valiant efforts otherwise.

i fear that when i finally return to civilization, i will have nothing left to talk about.

you are everything

you are everything
that i don't see
you fill the air
and it slips past me

but like a gentle stream
you soothe my skin
and you melt my soul
without me knowing

the very next day.

i really shouldn't have made everything seem so easy... i feel now what you surely used to feel a year ago... neglected, half forgotten... the only difference is that a year ago, i gave myself no excuses. i was always sorry, wasn't i? bad time management, skewed priorities, etc. now the tables are turned but only partially. you have all these justifications, you're stressed, you're not superman unlike me, so why can't i be more understanding?

you're right you know, i shouldn't have attached any significance to this anniversary. 2 years... i felt so bad and so nervous for one whole week you know, trying to figure out a way to let you know that this is important to me, that you are important to me. and you do know now don't you? i love you so much and do you know why? cos my heart doesn't break for anyone else.

i just wanted to make you smile. but only after i managed that feat did i realize that i need so much to smile myself, to fill that hollow inside me.

it used to be that anniversaries meant so much more to you than it did to me -- i could never really wrap my hands around that concept. but why do i attach so much significance to it now?

the selfish me wishes you never came to australia, that you never started on this journey. the other selfish me wishes you'd just forget about me and leave me behind, so that i can catch my breath and recover.

i'm writing this here only because i'm pretty sure you'll never read it.

Not Alone

When the lights go out
And there’s nothing you can see
Remember to turn around
And hold out your hand for me

Even if it seems
Like I’m too far away
To touch this heart that hungers
Like a flower for the rain

Even if it seems
Like a best-forgotten dream

Just stay....just stay....just stay

Cos sometimes it’s enough
Just for us to know
That someone wants to warm us
When we're feeling cold

And sometimes it’s enough
Just for us to feel
That gentle breath beside us
To tell us that we are not alone

You have been the match
That set my heart alight
So let me always be the flame
To help you walk at night

And if one day I burn
When my wick has reached its end
I’ll know I wasn’t wasted
Cos you held me in your hand

Just stay.... just stay.... just stay

Cos sometimes it’s enough
Just for us to know
That someone wants to warm us
When we're feeling cold

And sometimes it’s enough
Just for us to feel
That gentle breath beside us
To tell us that we are not alone